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RELATIONSHIPS: Jealousy, The Green-Eyed Monster

Posted by By Chioma Anyagafu on 2005/01/01 | Views: 406 |

RELATIONSHIPS: Jealousy, The Green-Eyed Monster


Are you the type that gets angry or unhappy when you discover somebody else has something you wish you have? Do you get angry when your friend with whom you started seem to be moving faster in life? Then, you are infected by the green-eyed monster.

Are you the type that gets angry or unhappy when you discover somebody else has something you wish you have? Do you get angry when your friend with whom you started seem to be moving faster in life? Then, you are infected by the green-eyed monster.

In relationship too, people feel outraged towards their mates when they feel their partners are showing interest or affection to somebody else. Even the mere imagination that oneís mate could do it sometimes trigger off reactions and many would go to any extent to protect what they feel is theirs so that it wouldnít become somebody elseís. Many have suffered calamities as a result of jealousy and some have found themselves entangled in problems that ordinarily would have been avoided. A moment of jealousy, just like in anger, is a moment of insanity. Jealousy is a world-wide phenomenon.

There are couples who get jealous of each other in ordinary things of life and would do anything to frustrate their mates when things seem brighter for their mates. It is the truth of the matter that even couples in marriage relationships get jealous of the otherís seeming successful lot in life. Itís a very wide world and the coast is large enough to contain as many people who could do as many things as possible.

Jealousy has led many to commit crimes and make mistakes they live the rest of their lives with, and in affairs of the heart, it is often said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But that now includes men. So, are you the type that gets jealous of anotherís proud achievement. Welcome once again to our readers views on the green-eyed monster that could be avoided.

He Hounded A Lady Who Did Him Nothing: Nora, 31

Clems and I were dating when I discovered he was obsessed with a lady who works in his office but who did him nothing. He began by talking about her in a manner that made me suspect that this lady was something he wanted to be which he couldnít be. Perhaps, he liked her but the lady obviously never paid him attention. That turned to hatred because the way he began to talk about her suggested so much hatred that if I knew her in person, I would go and warn her to beware of him.

When his friends came to visit at home, all he kept doing was talk about this lady and mobilize his friends and colleagues in the office to hate her. I had this feeling that if he had a way, Clems could harm her. I even suspected that he might have tried to harm her but failed. I have never seen so much hatred in my life and it's either he liked the lady and she doesnít feel the same way or she has something he desperately wanted. At a stage, I voiced out my opinion but he defended his hatred for the lady so vehemently that you would think hatred is a virtue. How could a man be so mean and so wicked and yet Iím dating him.

The lady in question is even in the same department with him but he monitors with as many eyes and as many ears as he could mobilise. I have had our relationship reviewed and I plan to get out subtly because it would be dangerous living with such a man. If he could hate another woman who had nothing in common with him like that, what about me who was going to be his wife. It made no sense to me and each time I broach the issue, he would tell me to mind my business. Mind my business ha! A man had murder in his heart and was asking me to mind my business? I canít live with a man whose outlook to life is so beclouded with jealousy over other people's achievement, especially a woman just like me. What about me who was going to live with him? God forbid. It really baffled me what a man would drive himself into simply because he did not like the fact that another person has some special gifts he wishes he has. Itís such a terrible thing. I canít marry him.

I Canít Even Greet A Female Friend When She Is Around: Austin, 42

My wife, Tricia, is so jealous of everybody, both male and female, that greeting friends in a very warm manner when she is around has become a problem. At all times, Tricia demands undivided attention that she even gets jealous of the closeness that exists between my first daughter and I. That is the height of it. How could a woman be jealous of her own daughter, a four-year-old who loves daddy so much that it is already creating a problem. Did I have to be the one to explain to her that first daughters prefer their daddies to their mummies just like first sons prefer their mummies.

Normal jealously is okay but Tricia has taken her own to a ridiculous level. The other day at a christening ceremony, a female cousin of mine came to hug me and you needed to see the way my wife rushed her before she realised her folly that it was Daniella my cousin. Assuming it was a stranger she has not met before, would it be normal for her to have behaved the way she did. It has become so ridiculous and so embarrassing on her part, the worse being that the more I counsel her on how to hold herself, the worse she becomes. I am her husband and if I wanted to cheat on her, the attitude she puts up would not stop me.

Even if Iím piece of property she purchased with her hard-earned money, is it proper for a woman to keep disgracing herself all the time because of other women, including her own four-year-old daughter. What really angers me most is that talking long or visiting my male friends has become a source of worry to her. She fears they would mislead me or expose me to dangerous habits like womanising as in her minds eye, she has already concluded that most of my friends are chronic womanisers including the one that we have been begging to at least get one girl-friend if he is not yet ready to marry. The way I see jealousy between married couples, it bothers on distrust. I am somebody who has lived it up before I met and married my wife.

I have everything that would magnetise a woman to me but I have lived all those kinds of life in the past and wouldnít want a carry-over of them to my marriage. Sometimes, I asked myself what I saw in Tricia that made me marry her. In truth, she isnít the woman I thought she is because her jealousy over little things drives me to the edge and its not normal in a relationship.

Several Times, He Beat Me Up To A Pulp: Eugenia, 33

I have always known from the onset that Edwin was the jealous type but I mistook it for the overwhelming love I thought he had for me. In the past we used to laugh over the scowl on his face whenever he saw another man talking to me. But that was before we got married. Things changed drastically after our marriage that I began to see Edwin all over again. Whatever happened to the man I got married to. He was jealous from the onset and never hid it but it is getting to a ridiculous level that kept my life on the line.

On three different occasions, he had me beaten to a pulp because he suspected that there was one thing or the other between a man and I. Before we met, I was working in an establishment but that didnít go down well with him. One day he came to the office to pick me but I was already in the car of male colleague and his countenance changed for the rest of the day. The drive home was a nightmare as ED would not talk to me or answer the questions I asked him. We were in our courtship then and at home, he refused to eat after I prepared dinner. He went out and later came in with hot akara, bread and coke, ignoring completely, the hot delicious jollof rice that I sweated to prepare for him after my return from the office. He didnít touch that food and wouldnít respond to my questions.

That night, I didnít sleep and when I went to the office in the morning, I took permission and left for my parentsí house and had a well-deserved sleep. Obviously, he went to check me in the office and they told him I had gone. He was obviously surprised that I didnít go to his house and at the time he came to my parentsí house, he had enough dignity to show some remorse because he practically went on his knees begging, an act that I found embarrassing because my parents and siblings were around, all eyes. I felt so ashamed and had to follow him home to avoid answering questions from my parents. That night, I dared to tell him that I wanted out but was not prepared for his reaction. He beat me up to a pulp and warned me never to use such a word.

Our wedding date was set and the invitations were already sent out. So, we had a wedding of the year and my colleagues came with pomp and pageantry and gave the wedding the best any company would give its staff at a period like that. After the short leave they gave me for the wedding, my husband decreed I was not going back to that office because by his own assessment, I was being exposed to other men. I thought it was a joke but that was that. My parents were shocked but they couldnít do much because ED had forced me to submit my resignation letter with immediate effect.

I stayed at home for three years before he opened a shop for me. It was a boutique that sold all feminine things but a day came when he met me with a friendly couple. They had bought goods worth over N75,000 that I had to buy them drinks and tried to get to know them a bit for business reasons. My husband chose that point in time to walk in wearing a scowl when he saw the friendliness between the couple and I. He began shouting at me in their presence and when I eventually got home in the evening, I let my mouth run loose and I was beaten. That landed me in a hospital and there I connived with the doctors to let me stay a bit longer and they accepted. By the time I got home after two weeks, I discovered I had no shop to go to. My husband had sold the shop and the goods on the grounds that it would be an embarrassment that his wife would carry a black eye to the shop. He said he would never be able to explain that to people or his friends and had me hidden me in the house for two months

The last straw was when a brother-in-law visited me, a brother of my sistersí husband who was indeed very close to me was so harassed that he scurried out of the house. He later gave me a call and asked me what in the world I was doing with a man like that. At a stage, my parents came into the matter after I told them I needed a divorce. That kind of sorted things out and a lawyer I met was humane and counselled me against divorce. He later wrote a strong-worded letter to my husband and that is what is holding us for now but would you indeed call that a marriage?

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